since we last spoke, grownup blog, some small happenings have happened. first, i cut bangs into my hair for the first time in years, i guess. i have thought of myself as having bangs since 2004, when i got an important haircut (it is pictured here grown out a little bit), but i have realized that having the shortest part of my hair falling longer than my chin is not really bangs. it is fake bangs. fangs. i was fooling myself. so, in spite of some justified apprehensions, and spurred in part by PANTS MOVIE: 2 — a film whose cinematic fortitude is greatly overshadowed by the lustrous beauty of each of the hairs on the ensemble cast’s head — i cut like five inches off my fangs and now am a legit part of the banged multitudes yet again.
additionally, i got a dog.
her name is josie pancakes and she sleeps most of the time and waking or sleeping she is a main source of joy in my life. what a beautiful baby!
on a different but probably more typical note, i fell asleep watching laguna beach last night and feeling a whole lot of feelings. i’m STRUGGLIN. i don’t know what it is but lately i’ve been feeling everything ultra-deeply, tiny things to big things, just getting really emotional about everything. i don’t know how to explain it. i don’t think it’s The Depression because man what a bummer that was and this is different, or at least some kind of milder and more comprehensive iteration of it. frankly i like not being medicated because the whole thing, however long it lasted (not that long) ended up weirding me out, but i don’t know if that’s the best decision, i guess. who can say. all i know is that i cried a little bit when my brothers left for college yesterday when i definitely didn’t cry when i moved out and went to college, i was overwhelmed with emotions about laguna beach — god damn — and when i accidentally saw a recent picture of someone who used to be real important to me (i guess that’s as vague as it gets!) i felt like i’d been punched in the stomach and really couldn’t breathe correctly for a little while. it’s not just bummer things, either, because i think that whenever i go outside i get so filled with contentment and relief about where i am and how beautiful and wonderful missouri is to me that it literally brings tears to my eyes. i think i’ve always been this way, but the amplification, however slight, is just a weird new thing and probably has a lot to do with me being at an Important Crossroads, et cetera — it just is like i have been given all these new things and i don’t have room for them yet but i think maybe i will soon. i also have had a lot of time on my hands recently and really miss my job, which thankfully starts back up again tomorrow.
anyway, my parents are out of town taking my brothers to school and so it’s just me and my sister until tomorrow night. i feel very grown up and housewifey and weird, getting up at 6am in order to take my sister to school, brewing coffee and sitting around watching morning tv, making sure the dogs are fed, making lists, eating shredded wheat (not even frosted shredded wheat — this is important) waiting for it to be 9am so i can run errands. i also took out the trash and realized the possibility that i have solved my pitbull’s tiny housetraining problem — she basically POOPS ON COMMAND now. outside! she is perfect.
